I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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