Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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