Umm I'm too high to move.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
