Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
