My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
