You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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