If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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