I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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