I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
