I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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