So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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