4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
whose parrot is this?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
