You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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