well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
