It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
