It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got inside last night via doggy door
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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