the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
