i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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