The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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