she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
