Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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