Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
