Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
