The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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