It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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