The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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