My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
