I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
