She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
