this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
