forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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