dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
