ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
