You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
