i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
