Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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