the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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