We won't sleep together?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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