I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
