I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
