i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize