about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
