So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize