You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
