watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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