So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I deserve this hangover.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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