tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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