I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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