my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
