Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
