People with herpes should wear stickers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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