if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
