I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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