Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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