If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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