There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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