dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Randomize
