Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
