So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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