no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
