Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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