Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
